Tarot Etiquette
My parents gave me a copy of Judith Martin’s “Miss Manners: Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior” as a little kid. And even if I have slipped and strayed every now and again from proper etiquette, I’d like to think I’m still a stickler. Especially as a tarot reader.
The tarot may be the last thing you’d associate with Miss Manners, but I feel that the rules of etiquette still apply to tarot reading, however freewheeling and hippie dippie this art is.
I’m not an expert on the subject, but I do have (a lot of) pet peeves when it comes to reading and being read for that I feel can be remedied by good manners. For anyone who loves to shuffle cards for others, be read for, or is interested in becoming a tarot pro, these “rules” I’m clumsily slapping together may come in handy.
Tarot, after all, is all about understanding ourselves so we can be better people, right? I feel like a brush up on etiquette totally supports this cause.
TAROT ETIQUETTE FOR CASUAL tarot READERS
I’d classify casual readers as those who like to sling cards for friends, family, and even acquaintances just for fun. It isn’t a paid service—it’s just something you like to do.
Set expectations from the get-go. Tell the people you’re reading for upfront that you’re not a pro. That way, you’re covering your bases in case you have to flip through your deck’s little white book in case when you suddenly forget what a card means. Clarify that you’re doing this casually so that everyone (including you) can breathe a sigh of relief.
Define your reading style right away. If you embody the fortune-telling clairvoyant vibe, tell them, so you don’t spook them unnecessarily. If you’re not into predicting the future and prefer to use the cards in a more pragmatic way (this is the category I fall under), tell them too, so they don’t ask you when they’re going to get married, pregnant, or if so-and-so is in love with them.
Be clear about how you want your cards handled. Are you nitpicky about people touching your deck? It’s not wrong to tell them that you’d prefer they not touch your cards. You’re not obliged to explain why, but if you’re open to telling people you’re a germaphobe, you’re really particular about “energies” mixing and signals crossing, or you’re superstitious, then do so.
Respect their reactions. You may say something that your “client” disagrees with or refuses to believe. It’s not your job to convince them of the merits of your reading. Just read the cards the best way you know how and then drop it. You’ve done your part.
Keep things confidential. Even if you’re doing a reading just for the heck of it, people who come to you are putting their trust in you. Don’t go messing around with that by divulging very intimate secrets or private information. Unless you come across something really grave that requires you to do a police report or consult a lawyer, you should cloak your readings in anonymity.
Tarot Etiquette for professional tarot readers
I’d classify a tarot professional as someone who’s getting something in exchange for a reading. It could be money, another service, some sort of barter—whatever the case may be, reading tarot professionally for friends or strangers means you’re getting “paid.” If you’re doing this professionally, the rules for casual tarot readers are already a given and don’t require further explanation.
Stick to your timelines. “Punctaility is the politeness of princes,” is my favorite quote from the movie Cinderella (Sigh! Richard Madden!). If you’re doing this professionally, you’ve got to be credible. If you promise a three-day turnaround for an email reading, deliver. If something comes up, inform your client ASAP so they’re not left hanging. When people go to you for a tarot reading via email or recorded video, they’re allowing themselves to be in limbo as they wait for you—you should at least honor that. Also, for in-person or live tarot readings, show up on time.
If you don’t show them your FAQs or ethics, you have nothing to complain about if they overshoot your boundaries. Make your rules very clear before accepting any form of payment from someone for a reading. It’s only proper to tell your potential client what you’re all about before letting them pay for your services. Now if they disrespect your rules after you’ve made them very clear, you’re completely in the right to speak up for yourself.
Credit the deck creators. Be respectful to the creators who made the decks you’re using by telling your client about your tools before or during the reading. Your client may not even really care about which cards you’re using, but the artists behind your decks do deserve a little shoutout… especially if you’re posting a reading or pictures of cards on social.
Acknowledge your limitations. If a client insists you give them the most auspicious date for a haircut and you have no idea WTF they’re going on about, then tell them. If they ask you about the Kabbalah and the Tree of Life and its associations with astrology and those associations with your card pulls and you don’t know jack, own up to it. Don’t discredit all the other tarot readers by making things up. There’s a difference between pulling from your intuition and bullshitting someone who’s paying for your services.
Say thank you. I’m always going to stand by something I learned from Lindsay Mack—that any tarot reading you do for someone is a reading you do for yourself. You too are benefiting from a reading you’re giving someone else. It’s good manners to show your client that you’re thankful for their trust and the opportunity they’re giving you to commune with your higher self through the cards.
Tarot etiquette for anyone who's being read for
If you’re getting a reading from a tarot enthusiast, a friend, or a professional, here are some rules to remember.
If you’re hoping to get a free card pull or a free reading, wait for the reader to offer or say that it’s okay / they want to do it. You may think that drawing a card out of the blue is nothing, but that “simple” act takes up energy. It takes even more energy to interpret that card—whether your reader is taking a screenshot from the little white book they’re using or going the extra mile by giving you their own interpretation. If your tarot enthusiast friend used to do this for you early on in their tarot practice because it was fun and they needed to do card drills, don’t expect the same “perks” as they transition to becoming a professional. If you must ask, do it kindly and respectfully. Always preface your request by saying, “if you have the energy, could you…?”
Read the FAQs or know what kind of tarot reader you’re booking. Read the fine print so you don’t wind up in a situation you weren’t expecting. There are a ton of tarot readers out there—you will find the one that suits you if you’re willing to do your homework. If you’re paying for a reading, it’s important for you to know the rules so both you and your reader are protected.
Trust the reader. It’s not proper to use your tarot reading time to “test” your reader and see if they’re legit. It’s a waste of your time and it’s a waste of theirs as well. Tarot readers who know their stuff can tell when people are trying to wind them up or are playing guessing games.
If a tarot reader makes it a point to not answer a question, it’s disrespectful to keep pushing the issue. Stubbornness is never rewarded in tarot readings. The more you insist on certain “unanswerable” issues being tackled, the more muddled your reading will become. If the cards don’t answer something, it’s probably because you need to be focusing on something more important. Be open.
Say thank you. Tarot reading may look fun and easy, but it isn’t. Your tarot reader will appreciate your “thank you.”
I hope these tips help you out, no matter where you are in your tarot journey. I’m sure there are a lot more etiquette rules I haven’t covered—if you’re so inclined, leave a comment and share what other advice you have to give about being read for or reading for people. :)